I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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