I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I fill condoms, not promises.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
