420 ftw
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
