my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize