the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
