I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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