I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize