Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
