Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
