I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
