i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
