I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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