I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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