I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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