you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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