I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
