I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
please don't ironically join a cult
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