They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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