i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
