Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize