just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Bring me that man meat
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
