i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
