I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
