I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
