Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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