I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
