she woke up with a sticky ear
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
