I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
