I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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