bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
