I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
