I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
