you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
