I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
how does that bad decision feel?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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