Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
