Plan B is the new Plan A
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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