how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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