my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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