just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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