i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize