you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize