3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
