Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
