there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
