i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
