yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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