you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
