I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
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