Reggie can tackle my bush.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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