it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
