I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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