Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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