Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
