just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
