I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize