I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
