oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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