Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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