so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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