Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
