Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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