I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
