No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
