someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
