This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
