I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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