Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
im holly from the hills drunk
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Randomize
