I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize