I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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