I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
