i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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