You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
