My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
