You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
