Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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