You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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