his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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