do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
