shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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