Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
