You made me cry and you don't even care
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dear god my vagina.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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