He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
