Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
