Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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