Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize