I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Green mimosas i think yes
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
