We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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