So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
