Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
