Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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