the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize