Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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