3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
