I queefed so loud it echoed.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
