Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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