....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
