My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
