I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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