I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
