Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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