I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
