trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
