I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
