It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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