If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
